The folly of most weddings

“Men do not love weddings, they love the honeymoon more. Women love weddings, they wish it took as long as the honeymoon”.

Of all the activities or events that ever happen, weddings must be the most female dominated.
Attend any wedding ceremony. More than half the crowd is likely to be women and they are the ones more likely to be directing the whole affair. This fascination with weddings is not a newly acquired habit for women. They have always been sensitive to how their dream wedding will be conducted and will scream or sulk away when there husband to-be or any of their friends is not responsive or team working.

It has actually been said that a woman dreams of her own wedding since she was a child, but a man only starts dreaming his wedding when he discovers a woman (if at all he does). Whether or not that is true, most men will agree that they loathe weddings. And why not? The groom, at most weddings is often an afterthought, just one more prop on the stage. Her stage. Women are generally the ones who direct the ceremony, who most  enjoy dressing up for the ceremony, whose clothing gets to be preserved for posterity (after it has cost both arms and a leg), whose preacher is more likely to conduct the ceremony; all this time while the man gets deeper into debt trying to finance the whole escapade. Right after the ceremony, the man is whisked off to the wedding reception, which may drag on for hours on end as the woman’s relatives surround him trying to tell him how he should take care of their daughter. The honeymoon is the highlight of the whole marriage service for the majority of the male, though this happens to be the item that he typically has to wait the longest to enjoy.

Current societal norms show that a man does not have to marry to enjoy a lot of what goes on in marriage anyway. A study carried out in 2006 showed that most men fear marriage because they feel that it offers little they don’t already have and might require them to do things they don’t want to do. According to the study, the number one reason men are cold on marriage is that sex has become easy to get without it meaning that if matrimony were suddenly the only acceptable arrangement for sex the median age of marriage for men would drop to about 17.So why do men go along with it anyway?

Weddings have been said to be the temporary torture men have to go through to get the woman who makes them happy into their homes- and beds. When a man feels that he loves a particular woman, he wants to own her fully and sometimes having a wedding may be the only way of getting there. Many women, even after years of marriage (or living together) still dream of eventually having a wedding and will begrudge the man who denies them that opportunity in their lifetime.

This may be because the way a woman marries matters. I remember a woman who wanted her wedding redone because the photographer got it all wrong and “did not capture the genuine emotions of the whole ceremony.” This is because the photo session was orchestrated by the pastor who refused pictures to be taken during the service.

“It’s gone and I am so miserable things didn’t go the way I wanted,” she moaned.

Her misery has nothing to do with the man she married. He may be the one who makes her happy but her dream wedding was messed and there was no way to reconcile that.

“He just can’t get it.” She said of her husband. “I dreamed of this all my life and I wanted it to be perfect. Now it all looks so plastic.”

So what is it with women and weddings?

“It is about going in honour, in front of all your friends and relatives, and God,” argues Agnes. “I always knew I’ll have a wedding. It s crazy to think that might not happen.”

Ngatia has been married for 10 years but his wife still bugs him for a church wedding.
“We didn’t have a wedding because there was no time and we were fat broke from college. 10 years later, she is still obsessed with a wedding. What else do women want?” He asks.

“oh, I loved my wedding. I got to plan it for a year, worried about the price of it, had to find the dress of a lifetime, and look better than I ever looked in my entire life. I actually had to starve myself so I would fit in my wedding dress.” Says Tama who walked down the aisle last year.

“ I have not met the man  want to marry. But he has no choice when it comes to a wedding.  I Even have decided on the theme colours,” Wambui.

But not all women are bananas about weddings. Jebet is planning to move in with her boyfriend this year. “I know my parents will be mad. Especially my mother. But I want all that attention and pressure that comes with weddings,” she says.

Men’s lack of interest in weddings may have a lot to do with the way they have been brought up. Some of the comments form men about weddings are as follows:

“Men just want their wedding day to get over asap, but they will understand the fantasies of their bride and will do everything to make it her happiest day.”

“If I were single and getting married tomorrow, I would forgo a traditional wedding and opt for getting married on a cruise ship. And no, not because of all the nice places the ship would take me, but because getting married on a cruise ship means that the honeymoon begins just as soon as you walk back to your cabin,”
“another wrote in a blog.

“I have just never fully understood the need to play those “roles” and wear those “costumes” and recite those lines of what is essentially a play that everyone seems to feel the need to perform for friends and family in order to demonstrate the love they share.”

“I cannot imagine myself standing in front of all those people to utter some foolish promises. If she believes that I love her, why not come home with me? That is all that matters. We love each other and want to stay together.”

“Generally, men hate weddings. While every woman feels slighted if she’s not invited to the wedding of even a passing acquaintance in college, us guys get offended if we’re invited to anything other than a close blood relative.”

“I couldn’t waste my money on a wedding. And I didn’t want the publicity. If it’s just her I wanted, why go to all that trouble?” asks Ochola, married for the last 13 years.

“Cant we just be simple. Sign the stupid papers, make the vows, say the prayers, and good night.” Another curtly put it.

Wrong focus

“I understand that weddings are for families first, brides second, and everyone else third.”

“I have nothing against marriage itself, but I hate the monster that modern weddings have turned into. It’s more about showing off, spending money, and partying than a joining of a man and woman. Then you throw in jealousy and all the other bad emotions, the jockeying for position, and hurt feelings to arrive at a modern wedding.”

I have always dreamed of giving my daughter a glorious wedding with all the trimming. Then I came to realize that it was never for her really, it was for me. I wanted to look great because of all I was going to do. I wanted the applause for a job well. Marriage is about the union of the couple, NOT the ceremony or gifts.”

“Marriages are about love and commitment, weddings are about showing off.”

“Weddings are just an excuse for people who are fortunate enough to find love to be greedy and suck money and time from their friends while treating them as if it were their privilege to even be a part of their wedding.”