The guy Rules

Some post I came acroos on the Internet. Veeery nice.
The Guys’ Rules

We always hear “the rules” from the female side. At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down and we can get their side of the story- I must admit, it’s pretty good.
Since this came from an email, I cannot very certainly tell who the author is but the mind is male, no disputing. And so goes the bitter pill. (annotations, my own)

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered “1″
ON PURPOSE!

1.   Men are NOT mind readers. ( We learnt that a long time ago. We just get tired of repeating things over and over and hope you will just read our minds)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down. (May be this is where carrying our cross comes in. )

1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. ( So long as you see it elsewhere and leave the DVD player all to us and the girls)

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. (We can make a compromise- pay for the shopping and you can go watch football while we shop)

1. Crying is blackmail. (At least something has to make things work)

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! (But promise you will not say we are nagging)

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. (Are you sure? Whatever you say can and will be used against you)

1…………… Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. (No disputing that, but we will not guarantee your solution will be used)

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor. ( Ever heard of preventive cures?)

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days. (it will have to take more to delete that from our memory)

1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria ’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the   other one. (you bet)

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. (?)

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. (Cook can also be done during commercials)

1. Christopher Columbus did  NOT  need directions and neither do we. (ever heard of the joke about the Israelites going round the desert for forty years because Moses couldn’t ask for directions?)

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. ( we had quite figured that out).

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. (Ouuh!)

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. (Now we know)

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really. (Really?)

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as sex, cars,  the shotgun formation, or  football.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.  Round IS a shape! (You bet)

1. Sex in the morning is a good way of saying “ I love you”.

1……………. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;  But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

And that is the way the cookie crumbles. The list could have been added- I know the men are already adding entries- and the ladies are huffing, but that enough said. I already have enough enemies.

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Most times, we are trying to look for a guy who has features we have already listed down. We want him to talk like this, walk like this, wear like this, earn this kind of money, live in this kind of place, kiss like this… you want to know how vain we can be? I wanted a man who looks good in both casual and formal clothes, and who has a brown leather or corduroy jacket.

Ok, I believe God likes surprising us even when we are being stupid. My bf has a brown leather jacket, and a suede one. That is not why I fell in love with him though- although guess it increased the lure. The problem is that most of us do not know when to make bargains. a friend of mine said to me the other weekend.”God did not give me the woman I wanted. He gave me a woman with the potential to be all I wanted.” Deep. We just need to understand that this girl may be this and not that, this man may be this now, but he has the potential to be this… As a man talk to your gal and find out what she expects from THE MAN in her life. May be she has too high expectations of you. Or may be you will discover yo are not the man she is looking for. Or you will discover you are the one. I always wanted a man who will encourage me to godliness, challenge me to holiness, and prayerfulness, blah blah blah. And who was deeply interested in music, could sing and may be play an instrument. I found those three xsteristics totally sexy. Does that mean that that is the m,an I am gonna marry? Probably. But probably not. Because God knows the end from the beginning, therefore he knows what it is gonna take to get us where he wants us to be..

At the end of the day, it is about trusting God, and resting in the assurance that He knows what is best for us. He wont let our feet to slip. He desires to make us glad.

Beyond surface allures

“I love my legs. You should see them,” one lady said and everybody turned trying to peer at the legs that were safely hidden under trousers.
“I love my hair and my bum,” went  another.
“I love my complexion and my legs.”
My turn arrived and I wished the question had been “What I did not like about my body” instead of the other way round.
We have all been there. Long intense moments of body searching in front of the bathroom mirror, pointing out all the real and imagined flaws we see on our bodies and what we could do to rectify them. The women’s magazines bombard us with  near-perfect pictures of ideal women who by comparison make us feel like miss plain Jane, here I come. Our friends though meaning no harm show us the ideal complexion, the ideal waist, bum and hip size, hair colour and texture, nail length and we rate ourselves by that… until the standards reverse and we are no longer sure whether a big bum, big bust is fashionable any more.

Most of the time this gets us to a little grumbling followed by a minor plummeting of our self-confidence, followed by a little self-talk on how beautiful we really are. Once in a while we push our partners to tell us more specifically where the beauty lies if only to reinforce our feeble faith in ourselves.
Like the women above,  I wonder  how many of us can confidently stand in front of an audience and say what they love about their bodies and really mean it. Given a chance, we could all change something.

There is a joke about the woman who ahead a near death experience but on meeting God, He tells her that she still has twenty more years to live. Immediately on getting out of hospital, she goes to a plastic surgeon who gives her a facelift, stomach tuck, silicon boobs, hair colouring, the works. But as she is crossing the street to go home, a car hits her and she dies. Mad, she goes to God to find out why he lied to her. He apologises; she had changed so much he could not recognise her. I hope your funny tick is on but even if it is not, there lies a truth for every woman. No matter how perfect everyone thinks our bodies are, there is always that pointed nose, tripped ears, squint eye, too flat chest, straight hips that we could do something radical about if we had the courage and the money. Technology can even allow us to get a brand new face if we do not like the one we adorn right now, only we have to live reminding ourselves and our friends and family it is us only we have a new face.

The TV programme ‘Extreme Makeover’ shows us what wonders that can do to our self-esteem. If crooked teeth are the only things denying us happiness in this world and there is something that can be done about that, why not? If too much body fat will deny us marital bliss and liposuction can do the marvel, why not go ahead and have fun?

The problem is that not everyone will have a chance to take some radical decisions with their bodies. A lot of people who tried that- like one who had steel rods surgically added to her legs to make her taller- are left feeling miserable in the long run. Many of us find that we have to live with our bodies just the way they were created and the sooner we stop crucifying ourselves or the gene donors the better. Crucifying others too. Most of us are already sensitive enough about our bodies without having a second or third party highlight our hockey stick legs or major nose.
Neil Clark Warren in his book “Finding the Love of Your Life” gives insight into dealing wit this. “Your attractiveness depends on the sum total of your qualities. Your strength may balance out your weaknesses. A high score in one quality like ‘personality’ can compensate for a lower score on another quality like ‘good looks’. The trick is to maximise your strengths and minimise your weaknesses.”
Warren’s point is that we can all make the best and most of what we have. A pair of heels or wedges , some waxing, some lipstick, a little self confidence, all go along way. You will have to see Caro Wahome on the fashion pages for more of that.
At the end of the day, we are more than our physiques, more than our looks. It may take quite some mental energy to look beyond the surface or to convince people that there is more than meets the eye but it will be a very sad existence for the woman who derives her value solely from her body even if it pays her bills.

Post-Valentine

“A man’s money is not always available for you. Use it when it is available,” a girl said to me the other day. I am not writing this because I believe this was sound advice that we all need to follow. In fact it immediately struck me how warped her opinion on men was, and how selfish that statement was. However after a little observation and reminiscing, I began to see where she was coming from.

Valentine’s day was just two days ago. And you know why radio stations, phone dealers, computer salesmen, florists, gift-shops, hawkers, any one who had anything to sell made a huge profit? Because the 14th of February is the only time of the year that a lot of us get to receive any love, and reciprocate some.
Of course I am here to primarily burst your bubble because I know you are still glowing after the bouquet of flowers delivered to your desk on Thursday morning to the envy of your colleagues and the exquisite dinner that followed. Because when I think about Valentine, I wonder why anyone would wait until the 14th of February to let me know that I am as beautiful as the rose and as sweet as the darkest of chocolates. And why I would be so hard up for a man’s attention that even bought love sounds like music to my ears.

But bought love and once-in-a-year chocolates are not strange phenomena in a girl’s life. When nothing meaningful seems to come from the “someone meaningful”, we learn to get do with the silliest and simplest of gestures supposedly signifying love. It doesn’t matter that like Tony M’s last week’s love saga, we are probably third on his list of dates for the day. The simple call, SMS, smile, or gift, gets to mean the world.

There is nothing as sad as unrequited love. For a time it softens your heart and makes you the most vulnerable person, crumbling at the mere mention of a name or anything that vaguely reminds you of the subject of your love. You see them in the smile of a stranger, the green car on the street, or the unidentified missed call. Eventually if not properly handled, it hardens you to future love and feeling and hope. Years of waiting for the rose or date break your spirit and make you believe that that is all you are worth and like my friend above, any generous gesture from the male quarters begins to sound like donor aid.

It is no wonder we have made cheap soap operas and Hollywood love stories our recluse, after food and work. And when we need to indulge more, we let our imaginations go wild with daydreams and fantasies that play the perfect script of perfect mates, dates, marriage proposals, families, even ordinary days with our perceived loved ones, to replace those that we never had.  Once in a while we play the desperate card and try to do what we once saw in a movie, but of course it backfires on us since our perceived-love never saw the movie, nor wrote the script. The rest of the time we torture ourselves with sad love songs with lines like God only knows this heart of mine or When I find my way back to your arms again, as fellow girlfriends assure us that no one died of a broken heart- as yet.

In truth, only God knows the state of our hearts and the pain we hide behind the makeup and picture-perfect smiles; the tears that have lulled us to bed and the fantasies we have woven around us of what should be. Maybe one day we will find ourselves in the arms that we have so longed to find ourselves in. But if we do not, and if the roses did not come this Valentine and are unlikely to come through the rest of the year, let us guard our hearts that a bad experience with one man does not spoil our future with another. The presence of convenience dates and gifts should not make us settle for any less than the best.  And even if our love is unrequited, we can believe in what Washington Irving an 19th Century American author wrote: Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.

Playing by men’s rules

I am here to primarily burst the bubble of all the free-thinking women out there. No  matter how far cultural changes and education have propelled us, some things about men never change. The faster you appreciate that and learn to work with it, the easier life will be for you- and him.

The most basic (like in reptilian) is that men like women in skirts. Time is long gone when wearing trousers was a sign of liberation, but men still want their women looking feminine and nothing does it better than a dress or skirt. Go ahead and get the wraps- and grow some hair.

He knows he is expected to call. If he does not it is because he does not want to. Get a life instead of sitting by the phone hoping every call is from him. Easier said than done- I know. You can flaunt that and call him- it will not earn you much. But it can be a good diversion for a boring Saturday night.

If he is taking you out, he takes care of the bills. Unless you are out to settle scores, or it was your treat, do not insist on splitting the bills. And if he wants that, do it graciously and kiss him goodbye after that. He is not worth the airtime. Who wants mean genes?

Love it or hate it, but ladies, men expect you to obey them. Bitter pill, but submission is not just for Christian wives- it is a world standard for a happy home. So do not tell the pastor to edit out the “to love and to obey” part from your wedding vows. It will save you from having an index of your ex-husbands. And he knows he is the leader of the home so he expects you to obey and follow him. Caution here though: You are priviliged to use most of your brain at once that is why you can multitask so easily- trust your instincts.

Closer home, your desire will be for your husband. Forget polygamy. You can only marry one man at a time. And you can only love so many before losing all capacity for love, and you are back to creating indexes for your ex-husbands. Men will do “foolish” things like marry a second wife, if you want to do the “stupid” thing of being the second wife, that is up to you.

If he says it is Lokichogio, even if you grew up in Statehouse, he expects you to happily relocate and settle with his kin. It is not that hard. Many of us have the gift of goodbye. Learning his local language will sure save you a lot of trouble. His church also goes in most cases, so make sure he is not a devil worshipper.

There are traditional male and female roles. You can go ahead and mow the lawn and trim the branches but even he is obviously better in the kitchen than you, he still expects you to make meals. And meals here, does not stand for tea and toasted bread. And do not even point out that you both contribute to making the house dirty. Actually that is not fair- who drags muddy shoes and dumps dirty socks under the couch- but woman, thou shall keep the house clean even if you have to subcontract that to a housegirl.
I wish there was a way we could share the baggage of carrying babies or at least half the pain at childbirth. But so long as he is the man in the house, he to a large extent decides how many babies you are going to have. Unless you get a tubal ligation behind his back- and for that, brace up for a long fight.

It is obvious some men are shy. Others are a bit slow. But resist the temptation to propose unless bad gets to worse. He might think it is sweet for a while but men are just- men. And it is no fun when you are buying your own ring.

This cliché remains true even in this age: behind every successful man is a successful woman. If you do not help him reach his potential, some other woman will. Get the point.

Do not try to compete with him. You may be better than him on most fronts but do not push it in so hard. He would like to believe that no matter your doctorate, he is till your hero. And yeah, he is already having enough trouble maintaining his position in the male hierarchy without you tearing down at his ego.

Lastly, he loved you because of who you are- a woman. Gentleness, kindness, a supportive and nurturing spirit are some of the marks of a woman. Do not try to trade that for masculinity. Glory in the woman you are. It is not feminist (my quack advice too), it is playing by the rules.

Ditch Him

People wear T-shirts with funny writings. One I saw recently read, “Ditch him.” And I believe that is some advice so many people need. I want to believe the designer of the top had no malicious intent but even if he/she had, some ladies just need to hear it from someone else. Ditch him.

Some relationships are not worth sleepless nights. And I am not talking about the man who has made you his punching bag, or the one that believes monogamy was invented for fools. Those ones should not even feature in your life anymore. My case is against all the wonderful, sweet men in our lives who are simply there to waste time. Theirs and ours.  That is why I almost celebrated over the proposal by the Government to declare a couple that has lived together for more than two years married. If it goes through, it will be a lifesaver for those women who have lived with a man they for all purposes consider to be their husbands but have not been sharp enough to get a baby and name it after his mother. (That is the way it is usually done. Yeah?) But careful there. If you had no intention of marrying him, you will have to get smarter.

Few women though are likely to live with a man for two years just for convenience sake. In many modern arrangements, the man is just interested in enjoying the benefits of partnerhood without the permanence, an arrangement that allows him to opt out when things get bad or even a little low-key, with the only major decisions to be made being who takes the settee, who takes the music system. Women therefore find shacking up as the best bargain for keeping the man, hoping that after a long enough time, he will get used to warm home cooked meals and satin legs in bed and will not be so ready to trade that away.  Until she is surprised (ok, shell-shocked) by wedding invitations- to his wedding, or by the appearance of his legally married wife and kids who lived upcountry.

A research done in the USA for the National Marriage Project says that couples that move in without marriage are more likely to divorce, if at all they ever get married. The insinuation was such couples eventually break up without ever formalizing their arrangement.
Unlikely. I thought. After all what difference does a wedding ring and a certificate make if we love each other?  I got my answer soon from an email I received from a friend who thought he could sort out our species before we self-destruct. It has everything to do with men’s age-old malady- commitment phobia.

According to this buddy the only reason a man will keep a girlfriend for five years only to walk down the aisle with a girl he met four months earlier was because all this time, he has been waiting for something better to show up or for her to become something better. Meanwhile, he keeps himself amused. If he eventually marries the six-year-old girlfriend, it is because he got tired of looking for something better.

“And ladies, sorry to tell some of you, but it doesn’t take 4 or 5 years for that man to figure it out. It doesn’t take 2 or 3 years either.”  He went on.

Tough. Because if that is true, it is time some of us got to “really think” about the men in our lives. Start with the “ex” that you are in a sexual relationship with. Or the man at whose house you spend most weekends. Think about the man you are now living with. Or the elusive father to your baby. Think about your first love who keeps popping in and out of your life like a bad dream.

I tend to agree with Kin Hubbard who said that women seem to be all right on bargains till it comes to picking out a husband. If we were to be judged by the men we keep around our lives, it would surmount to one of the worst form of character assassination. We can be forgiven for our daftness in deciding on the feasibility of men as partners, then sliding to the old time favourite of labeling the male subspecies as “dogs” and whatever derogatory term we can conjure up at that moment. But while there is no golden rule as to how long he should take before speaking commitment, that is no excuse for getting chained in a relationship with no due date. If we have time deadlines for all our objectives, projects and delivery schedules, it is time we introduced the same in our relationships. If you do not know where that relationship is headed, please find out or get out while you can still salvage shreds of your heart and pride.
Since this came from a man, I say it has passed my objectivity test: “If a man is stable in life, in a relationship, but not married, then it is because he is not sure about the woman that he is with.” Ditch him, first and fast.

How long before engagement

Wait three years. Wait five. When you know you just know. Two years is good enough. Marriage is about commitment; the length of dating does not matter. Wait at least a year. A baby takes nine months before being born; a good relationship should take the same. Six months. Three months. Seven years.

These are some of the answers you are likely to get if you decided to ask people the ideal length of the dating period. One recent research done by The National Wedding Show actually showed that the average couple gets engaged two years, 11 months and eight days after first setting eyes on each other although women felt ready to tie the knot even sooner – after just two years, seven months and 24 days.

Three-year anniversary

Alexandra Campos of the National Wedding Show said: “Men everywhere should be getting ready to buy that ring and get down on one knee if they are anywhere near the three-year anniversary.
“If you really want to earn some brownie points, you could pop the question a few months earlier as this research shows that’s when women think it’s the perfect time to get engaged.”

The poll also revealed that one in ten has even set a time limit on when they get engaged and if their partner hasn’t agreed to marry before the self-imposed deadline, more than 75 per cent would end the relationship.

Other Factors

A lot of people though believe that the ideal dating period, dating here defined as the period of going out before making a commitment towards marriage, should not be defined by any hard or fast rules.
“It is about you two. And it will depend on different things, like how much time you spend together, your past experiences, your age and your goals. People who have goals to get married in the next three years may not waste a lot of time during dating like those who are in no particular hurry to settle down,” says Anthony Muriungi a teacher in Nairobi.

Muriungi goes ahead to explain that circumstances such as one or both partners being in school or out of the country, lack of finances or lack of support from family can also affect the dating period.
“A man will not propose to his girl before he is sure he can maintain a family. Some men feel they should own a home, have a certain income, have accomplished certain things, sometimes even to have reached a certain age. Once he proposes, it is a matter of time before the wedding. Everyone keeps asking when is the wedding. That pressure can be intimidating.”

Other people campaign for whirlwind romances being of the school of thought that the commitment to marriage is more important than any amount of similarity between a couple. Such people feel that length of time does not really matter so long as the parties decide to stick with each other no matter what. They then go ahead to point out examples of couples that new each other for barely three months before they tied the knot, and ten years later, they are still together. The argument is that if you two know you are meant for each other, whether you wait for one day or ten years, then there is no difference as nothing about you two will change. Why waste time?

Gichana Kiunjuri  a pharmacist in Nairobi believes  that the decision to marry is something a man knows, at times the moment he lays his eyes on a woman, other times with time.
“I can see a woman and at that moment decide she is the one I will marry. The rest is to wait until the right time to ask her to marry me. Otherwise she will think you are a lunatic.”

On the other hand there are people who will say that if forever is the intention, there is no need for hurrying. Such people feel that marriage is such a weighty matter that one should be totally convinced before embarking on anything.  Many women though complain of the torture of waiting and waiting, sometimes for what seems like forever for the man to propose. At times, they bow to pressure and pop the question themselves.

Stages of dating

Drs Henry Cloud and John Townsend, authors of Boundaries in Dating warn against accelerated relationships, which they say have the capacity to make a couple too short sighted to see relationship issues and problems. The authors encourage couples to pace all the stages of their relationship slowly and instead of compacting everything into a brief but concentrated period of time.

Such a period some argue should take one year, others two to three. Mr Dennis Franck, director of Assemblies of God Single/Young Adult Ministries says that the ideal period should be one year. In an article on the website, Mr Franck says that dating has five stages: Infatuation, illumination, evaluation, maturation and preparation. The infatuation period is the time of initial and continual physical awareness and usually last from three to five months depending on the experiences of the two and the frequency of time the spend together. The second stage, that of illumination last 4-6 months and involves discovery: of strengths, flaws and weaknesses, differences in opinions, values, entertainment activities, and personal habits of eating, working or spending. During this sage, crisis situations begin to show up as both speak their opinions and perspectives that are in disagreement with the other person. Franck advises that any relationship should progress to this stage before emotional commitments are made.
The third stage, that of evaluation last two to four months. Here the couple actively and volitionally evaluates the differences they have encountered and determines if the relationship is worth the difference both of them recognise.  If they get beyond this, they get into the fourth stage where they settle into the relationship. This, Franck writes, is a time of decisional love, not just emotional, romantic love.
“The syrupy, romantic infatuation type of love has evolved throughout the previous stages into the mature, steady, forgiving, serving love,” Franck says. “Each person is now intent on what they can bring to the relationship and give to the other.  This is the acceptable, ideal time for an engagement to occur. If it occurs much before the fourth stage it is usually premature and based upon wrong and incomplete conclusions.”
So what is the ideal time frame before a couple should become engaged? “it is wise to allow a relationship to develop at least 12 months before engagement,” Franck concludes.

Of this school of thought also is Mrs Agnes Kang’ori a family counsellor.  She says that before any two partners embark on the marriage path, they should have first studied and discussed basic issues such as temperaments, finances, family background, likes and dislikes and any secrets each might hold.
“Any time less than one year could be too short to learn a person. More than three years when both are working- then there is no much commitment. You need to sit down and discuss the way forward,” says Agnes.

She is though quick to add, “ Nothing is likely to happen if they date for a very long or short period if both are serious on what they are doing. But they need to be watchful and set smart goals which must be attainable by both of them.”

Another family life professional Ms Nancy Pelt, in her book Smart Love puts the stages of dating as friendship, casual dating, special dating, steady dating, pre-engagement, formal engagement and lastly marriage. She advises a couple to date for two years prior to engagement, ideally spending a total of one year on stages 1,2 and 3.
One year, she feels is long enough for any masks that had been put on to fall off.
“Many people can successfully mask negative tendencies for a year. Only rarely can such game playing go beyond that. Therefore when a couple rushes into marriage too quickly, they are marrying a virtual stranger, someone who will likely turn out to be a stranger than they ever wanted to know. Marrying in haste, without taking sufficient time to check a person out, is jumping into a relationship based on assumption. Assumptions make appalling marriage partners.”

Long dating

Long dating periods on the other, some which last six, seven and eight years are not altogether alien. While some people feel that they give one ample time to know their partners and plan for a future together, experts warn that the relationship can quickly become boring or can result in cohabitation where formal marriage is never reached. This is because mature adults and any relationship needs to grow through the stages. Staying at one level for too long feels stagnant and moribund or, conversely, too intense for comfort. In either case, it’s not healthy for the relationship or the partners in it.

“You will never completely know a person. So if you wait until you have no more doubts in your mind, you can wait forever,” says Mrs Ann Kiguatha, who dated her husband for one and a half years before they got engaged.
She continues. “Once the two of you have agreed on the most basic things and you are still willing to get married, I believe you should.”
On second thought she adds. “I would rather you spend enough time dating. Then even if things go bad, you will not blame yourself for rushing.”

All said, the man may exceed your three-year deadline, and still there is no ring in sight. You can opt to give him the benefit of doubt- afterall just because you are ready does not mean he his. The perfect proposal is about the two of you. If you still believe he is worth the wait, the best you can do is make most of your waiting period without having to literally beg for a ring. It does not make sense to put your life on hold. Be among the few courageous ones and propose yourself. If you can’t, take your time to do all the things that singleness allows you to do. Maybe he is just under pressure to make the perfect proposal. But then like someone once said, “Relationships, like anything else, involve timing. If you’re cooking something, you watch to see when it bubbles and take it off the stove at just the right time. If you wait too long, the pot boils over and the consistency is forever changed. That makes the difference.”