“A man’s money is not always available for you. Use it when it is available,” a girl said to me the other day. I am not writing this because I believe this was sound advice that we all need to follow. In fact it immediately struck me how warped her opinion on men was, and how selfish that statement was. However after a little observation and reminiscing, I began to see where she was coming from.
Valentine’s day was just two days ago. And you know why radio stations, phone dealers, computer salesmen, florists, gift-shops, hawkers, any one who had anything to sell made a huge profit? Because the 14th of February is the only time of the year that a lot of us get to receive any love, and reciprocate some.
Of course I am here to primarily burst your bubble because I know you are still glowing after the bouquet of flowers delivered to your desk on Thursday morning to the envy of your colleagues and the exquisite dinner that followed. Because when I think about Valentine, I wonder why anyone would wait until the 14th of February to let me know that I am as beautiful as the rose and as sweet as the darkest of chocolates. And why I would be so hard up for a man’s attention that even bought love sounds like music to my ears.
But bought love and once-in-a-year chocolates are not strange phenomena in a girl’s life. When nothing meaningful seems to come from the “someone meaningful”, we learn to get do with the silliest and simplest of gestures supposedly signifying love. It doesn’t matter that like Tony M’s last week’s love saga, we are probably third on his list of dates for the day. The simple call, SMS, smile, or gift, gets to mean the world.
There is nothing as sad as unrequited love. For a time it softens your heart and makes you the most vulnerable person, crumbling at the mere mention of a name or anything that vaguely reminds you of the subject of your love. You see them in the smile of a stranger, the green car on the street, or the unidentified missed call. Eventually if not properly handled, it hardens you to future love and feeling and hope. Years of waiting for the rose or date break your spirit and make you believe that that is all you are worth and like my friend above, any generous gesture from the male quarters begins to sound like donor aid.
It is no wonder we have made cheap soap operas and Hollywood love stories our recluse, after food and work. And when we need to indulge more, we let our imaginations go wild with daydreams and fantasies that play the perfect script of perfect mates, dates, marriage proposals, families, even ordinary days with our perceived loved ones, to replace those that we never had. Once in a while we play the desperate card and try to do what we once saw in a movie, but of course it backfires on us since our perceived-love never saw the movie, nor wrote the script. The rest of the time we torture ourselves with sad love songs with lines like God only knows this heart of mine or When I find my way back to your arms again, as fellow girlfriends assure us that no one died of a broken heart- as yet.
In truth, only God knows the state of our hearts and the pain we hide behind the makeup and picture-perfect smiles; the tears that have lulled us to bed and the fantasies we have woven around us of what should be. Maybe one day we will find ourselves in the arms that we have so longed to find ourselves in. But if we do not, and if the roses did not come this Valentine and are unlikely to come through the rest of the year, let us guard our hearts that a bad experience with one man does not spoil our future with another. The presence of convenience dates and gifts should not make us settle for any less than the best. And even if our love is unrequited, we can believe in what Washington Irving an 19th Century American author wrote: Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.
