Playing by men’s rules

I am here to primarily burst the bubble of all the free-thinking women out there. No  matter how far cultural changes and education have propelled us, some things about men never change. The faster you appreciate that and learn to work with it, the easier life will be for you- and him.

The most basic (like in reptilian) is that men like women in skirts. Time is long gone when wearing trousers was a sign of liberation, but men still want their women looking feminine and nothing does it better than a dress or skirt. Go ahead and get the wraps- and grow some hair.

He knows he is expected to call. If he does not it is because he does not want to. Get a life instead of sitting by the phone hoping every call is from him. Easier said than done- I know. You can flaunt that and call him- it will not earn you much. But it can be a good diversion for a boring Saturday night.

If he is taking you out, he takes care of the bills. Unless you are out to settle scores, or it was your treat, do not insist on splitting the bills. And if he wants that, do it graciously and kiss him goodbye after that. He is not worth the airtime. Who wants mean genes?

Love it or hate it, but ladies, men expect you to obey them. Bitter pill, but submission is not just for Christian wives- it is a world standard for a happy home. So do not tell the pastor to edit out the “to love and to obey” part from your wedding vows. It will save you from having an index of your ex-husbands. And he knows he is the leader of the home so he expects you to obey and follow him. Caution here though: You are priviliged to use most of your brain at once that is why you can multitask so easily- trust your instincts.

Closer home, your desire will be for your husband. Forget polygamy. You can only marry one man at a time. And you can only love so many before losing all capacity for love, and you are back to creating indexes for your ex-husbands. Men will do “foolish” things like marry a second wife, if you want to do the “stupid” thing of being the second wife, that is up to you.

If he says it is Lokichogio, even if you grew up in Statehouse, he expects you to happily relocate and settle with his kin. It is not that hard. Many of us have the gift of goodbye. Learning his local language will sure save you a lot of trouble. His church also goes in most cases, so make sure he is not a devil worshipper.

There are traditional male and female roles. You can go ahead and mow the lawn and trim the branches but even he is obviously better in the kitchen than you, he still expects you to make meals. And meals here, does not stand for tea and toasted bread. And do not even point out that you both contribute to making the house dirty. Actually that is not fair- who drags muddy shoes and dumps dirty socks under the couch- but woman, thou shall keep the house clean even if you have to subcontract that to a housegirl.
I wish there was a way we could share the baggage of carrying babies or at least half the pain at childbirth. But so long as he is the man in the house, he to a large extent decides how many babies you are going to have. Unless you get a tubal ligation behind his back- and for that, brace up for a long fight.

It is obvious some men are shy. Others are a bit slow. But resist the temptation to propose unless bad gets to worse. He might think it is sweet for a while but men are just- men. And it is no fun when you are buying your own ring.

This cliché remains true even in this age: behind every successful man is a successful woman. If you do not help him reach his potential, some other woman will. Get the point.

Do not try to compete with him. You may be better than him on most fronts but do not push it in so hard. He would like to believe that no matter your doctorate, he is till your hero. And yeah, he is already having enough trouble maintaining his position in the male hierarchy without you tearing down at his ego.

Lastly, he loved you because of who you are- a woman. Gentleness, kindness, a supportive and nurturing spirit are some of the marks of a woman. Do not try to trade that for masculinity. Glory in the woman you are. It is not feminist (my quack advice too), it is playing by the rules.