What do women really want?

“Men with overdeveloped cerebral cortexes look down from their corner offices and wonder why women go for losers.” Anon.

Sylvester could not understand what had just happened. His three-year old girlfriend had just ditched him to marry what he called “a guitar playing jobless man.” Sylvester thought he had it all. A good job, owned a house, a good family background, above average looks- what else would one want? His friends tried to appease him, but he knew as much as he wanted to call his girlfriend’s new beau a loser, he was the loser here. He could not keep (or figure out) his girl. If all his woman magnets could not work, then what would?

I wish I could answer his question- what do women really want? Maybe then I could help create a whole new category in the Nobel awards for outstanding contribution to the field of Opposite Sex.

Knowing what women want would have to begin with understanding women, and I am sure you are now laughing. Whoever can understand women? Do they even understand themselves? Like the joke goes, the only man who ever figured out women laughed so hard, he died before he could tell anyone what he found out.

Before you throw your hands in the air, know that women will rate you on how well you get along with them. You could be among the lucky ones who freestyle and somehow get out on the deep end but basically, to get along with women, you’ve got to figure them out first. The funny bit is that the subspecies that prides itself in its complexity may not be that complex after all.

Of course life would be so much easier if everyone got out of their boxes and outright said what it is they wanted. But it is hard to imagine that a woman would speak directly or say exactly what is in her mind. She more often expects you to read the emotional subtext in her words and figure out what her yes really means. Or what a sentence left pending implies.
Does her yes mean I agree or it is just a gimmick to get you to shut up? Does her headache really mean her head is throbbing or it is an excuse-or is it induced? If men were more keen on this front, they could have saved themselves getting stood up on dates or being caught in surprise fights where they are wondering what they did wrong.
It is sad that women sometimes say no when they mean yes. It reminds me of a programme running in one of the TV stations, “Games people play.” Hers could be a game to test your resilience, push you away or to help her decide what she really wants. I wish everyone would stop playing games. But that is like wishing the sun away. So I guess the only way there is to keep your antennae up for all verbal and non-verbal cues to avoid some unpleasant scenes and time wastage.

To truly understand anyone, you have got to be really interested in them. That means going out of your way to listen, spend time with, enjoy being with… Hopefully that way you can understand how women talk, think, react, the works. First, you need to get rid of the mindset that women are impossible to figure out. A bit difficult maybe but totally workable. Two, understand that they will at times be at the mercy of hormones but that is part of their beauty- and the bargain. Three, women’s needs are as varied as they come so generalities will not always work.

All these will mean hanging around women quite a bit. And trust me- they can be fun. Disclaimer here though: this does not guarantee you will figure it out. Boys who grew up around so many sisters do not find women less of a riddle- neither do couples who have been married for decades.

All the same, women like equality, kindness, support, trust and love. Anything with those overtones will intrinsically appeal to their inner person.
It therefore goes then without saying that as a man, learning to make every woman you encounter (mother-in-law, cleaning woman, your boss, mama mboga) feel good about herself automatically helps you score higher on the women list. It is known as being charming and if done genuinely, it will work wonders no matter her age or role in your life.
Lorna agrees that women highly value treatment and romance.
“No woman wants a man who treats her like trash. She wants to feel precious, like a valueless asset,” she says.

Earning a woman’s trust is key. Someone paralleled it to the relationship with your banker- if she has decided not to go out on a date with you, being friendly isn’t going to change her mind the same way being friendly to your banker will not make him give you a loan.

Mrs Wangui Kibet of Lady appeal confirms that: “ A man who is not able to keep his word is not found attractive by a woman. She knows she will get hurt.”

“Ladies also want a man who is courageous and protective. She needs to know you can stand up for her,” continues Wangui.  Can that explain women’s fascination with six packs and biceps? But it goes back to the issue of trust- he can be counted on.

With all the stories on gold digging, men may think that a fat wallet spells sexy. Granted. Some money is good. A lot of money is very good. But if money really factored, Bill Gates would be the sexiest man on earth. So before you invest your all in all trying to impress her, know that women’s brains are not hardwired to appreciate money, the same way they do with the above characteristics. When it comes to conflict, love is more likely to win than money.

The best part is that this list is far from full. It just gives you enough leeway to create small talk with the women folk trying to figure out what they really want and meanwhile practice your charm on them.