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Dressing the Part

Posted by lovewitness on October 23, 2008

This is an artiucle on work place fashion by Brenda Kageni that appeared in The Standard on 23rd September 2008. It is helpful for both the newcomers and old hands on what lines not to cross when it cmes to dressing for the workplace.

By Brenda Kageni

A study carried out in the US in 2007 by Lawrence University’s Professor Peter Glick says that dressing sexy for work can have very negative effects for women intent on climbing the corporate ladder. Apparently, dressing sexy for work was viewed inappropriately for women at all levels of responsibility but female managers who dressed provocatively were viewed as less competent and less intelligent. Sexy however is not the only issue when it comes to women’s dressing in the work place. There is always the challenge of balancing the formal, casual and trendy look, while still maintaining your sense of personal style without breaching the work place dress code. You don’t want to look too casual such that you are not taken seriously or end up looking sloppy. You don’t want to look too formal, uptight, unapproachable and uncreative; neither do you want to look like you spend your entire day engrossed in fashion magazines and painting your nails.

“Image counts a lot. A look says a lot about you,” says Image consultant Carolyn Makana of Rolyn Image Consultancy. “It is part of your work ethics. You want to create the right impression.”
Author and speaker Dondi Scumaci in her book Designed for Success writes: “You can wear whatever you want. You are certainly allowed- encouraged even- to have your own signature and sense of style. Just be aware that your choices create an image, and that image impacts your opportunity- what you are considered for or not considered for.”

“How you present yourself speaks volumes about you before you ever open yourself. I’ve been unable to believe in even the strongest job candidates with the most unbelievable resumes when they come into my office dressed like utter slobs. Presentation is critical,” writes Donald Trump on his Trump University website.

Work place fashion as you see does not just matter on your interview day and first day at work. If done rightly, it can present the right image of your company to your clients, present you as capable and someone worth promoting and increase your productivity since you are comfortable and confident. If done wrongly, it can invite unwanted attention, unfair judgement and affect your interaction with clients and co-workers.

What you wear will largely depend on what you do and your workplace dress policy. Some organisations are strictly formal, others casual, while others allow people to dress as they feel fit, depending on what they are doing on that day of the week. The dress codes are for a reason. They help create the right image a company wants to project to the public, consistent with the company goals. Employees dealing directly with clients will find themselves having to wear business attire, for example. It is always advisable to keep your employers needs in mind when dressing for the work place and if you will be seeing clients, dress for their workplace.

The easiest way of blending in is to know what the dress code says and then try to work around the clothes you have to fit in. You want to be noticed because you look the part, not because you stand out, oddly.
“Understand the dress code and then mix and match whatever you have, still following the dress code but maintaining your personal style. Find your personal style. Know what suits your body shape and how to put colours together.”

Famous BBC fashion advisers Trinny Woodall and Susannah Constantine in their fashion guidebook, What not to wear for Every Occasion say, “You need to let your true personality shine through while respecting the nature of the event and being aware of how others might view you. If for example you are the lively type, it’s criminal to murder your spirit by overmatching. Uniform dressing is the quickest way to stamp out any individuality.”

The Casual Look

People in creative fields may prefer to dress in casual as it is more laid back. Organisations are also known to encourage casual wear as a way of motivating employees.
“In today’s work environment the casual code reigns. I’m not convinced this is such a good thing for women. We may want to rethink it. I’ve yet to meet a woman who looked more capable in jeans and a t-shirt. And the most successful women I know dress the most professionally. There’s a connection here,” writes Scumaci.
She instead advises women to “Level it up,” or dress one level above the expectation. If you work in a jeans and t-shirt environment, you wear slacks and collared shirt. If slacks are the code, you add a jacket. If jackets are expected, you wear suits.

Trinny and Sussanah give the following advice: “ Jeans are fine for casual work but only when worn as tailored trousers. Leave hooded tops at home or give them to your kid sister. Even when casually dressed, the boss needs to show authority. Corduroys are a smarter way to wear jeans in the office.” They warn that a too casual look, like coming to work in gym wear can end up saying that you just rolled out of bed and went to work. You are a slacker and your job is not a priority. “A sloppy look says you don’t care how your image impacts the company and you are not ready for further responsibility.”

The Formal Look
Suits are the easiest way to create a formal look and work well with most professional environments. “Formal dressing is about looking powerful yet approachable. Get the colours right and wear what suits your shape. You need to dress for where you want to get in your job. Avoid clothes that are too tight. You do not want to wear a skirt that shows off too much of your legs or a trouser that rides down showing off your thong in the office,” says Makana.
Wearing a suit doesn’t give you the license to be predictable. You also don’t have to downplay your assets or look overly conservative to look appropriate for the work place.
Makana encourages women to find ways of livening up and adding their personal signature to even the most formal dress codes. “Just because it is a suit doesn’t mean it has to be boring.” Hard severe suits according to the Trinny and Sussanah give an unapproachable feel.

Going Sexy
Dressing sexy in the workplace is always tricky because as Makana warns, people end up thinking you have ulterior motives.
“If you know what you have come to do in the work place, you will not cross that line. It is seen as attention seeking or like a form of competition on who look’s sexier or who can best catch the boss’s eye. I have met women who at 9.00 a.m look like they are going for a night out. Looking too sexy is never appropriate for the office. People no longer take you seriously. Just because you are beautiful and have the body, you don’t have to use that to your advantage. Dress up for the part but always let your CV and your work speak for itself. You do not want to dress sexy in order to get a job.”

Showing off a bare midriff at work is totally inappropriate. So are any visible undergarments and skirts too short, blouses too low and trousers too tight. They may get you into cases of sexual harassment and take away a lot of respect. You may be perceived as using your sexuality to move up the ranks. It is hard to show so much cleavage and not be thought of as a sexual object.
Stilletos are inappropriate for someone who runs around lot. Not only do they look insensible, but they also annoy those around with the click clack. For height and practicality, a wedge shoe might work better.

However that is not to say that you cannot pull off a sexy look at work and still look professional. You just have to make sure that your work is beyond reproach and that your speech, poise and behaviour do not pass across the wrong message.

Makana advices women to carry extra items of clothing like a pair of high heels if one has a high profile meeting later in the day, or stilettos for a cock tail party.

Here are some additional tips from Dondi Scumaci’s book:

•    Even if you are required to wear a uniform, make sure it is pressed and clean.
•    Avoid hyper trends, and stick with timeless styles
•    It’s difficult to take a woman with neon-blue, studded talons for nails seriously
•    When it comes to shoes, take a cue from the gents. Make sure they are polished with no scuffs. Check your heels! If they need repair, fix them or throw them away.
•    Watch the hemline and neckline! Just because you can wear a miniskirt or a low cut blouse doesn’t mean you should. The women who do are usually the women we work with, not the women we work for. (Go figure).
•    Pay attention to details like dangling buttons and hems hanging by a thread
•    If you want to be taken more seriously, dark colours are recommended- flowers, frills, and prints aren’t.
•    Jewellery is an accent- not the main attraction.

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sometimes love aint enough

Posted by lovewitness on May 24, 2008

A song that was a hit in the late 1990’s had a line that I loved: “ Baby sometimes love aint enough.” That line summed up so much, some of what many people venturing in relationships forget. When the gooey feeling is all over you and your eyes light up at her sight, when your every waking moment is filled with his thoughts and the mere mention of his name gives you palpitations, then it is easy to think you got it all worked out. Because you love each other, all mountains will be climbed, all hills levelled, yeah?

A big mistake we often make. The cases we have seen or heard of people who truly and genuinely love each other, yet can’t stop fighting or hurting each other, are many. Same case as people who believe they love each other but who will swear they will never get married to each other because there is no way they could survive with each other. The point- there is more that makes a marriage or relationship work than just deep hormone-instilled affection.

The problem would then have to do with love itself or our definition of it. However, since essentially there is nothing wrong with love in itself (I am actually a firm believer in the Biblical verse that says that love conquers all), the problem has to do with how we define what love is in our contemporary culture.

Various philosophers, writers and psychologists have defined different forms of love. There is eros, the romantic, sexual love; philia, the love of companionship and friendship; agape, the self giving love that goes on giving even when the other becomes unlovable, often paralleled to the unconditional love of God.

The problem that many people make is depending on the romantic attraction they have for their partner to determine the direction of a relationship. Romance is simply about feelings- how I see you and how that makes me react. Such feelings in themselves depend on our perceptions and circumstances and are very fickle. They are the ones that will initially bring you together but they will never form the basis for building a strong and meaningful relationship since we cannot always influence how others perceive us, or the circumstances under which they do that. Such a love gives rise to such statements as: “I no longer love him,” “I do not feel the same way about him anymore,” or “ I am in love with another woman.” Love did not die. The feelings died. The feeling of “being in love” evaporated because something that had prompted it changed.

In order for your love to last longer, beyond the dry patches when she is no longer as beautiful as you once saw her, or when even the financial charm you saw in him has been soured by his temper, then all three types of love need to intentionally co-exist. You have to work at actively incorporating all three in your relationship.

Bursting the myths we carry around about attraction and love, Dean Sherman, author of Love, Sex and Relationships points out that romantic love is usually single in focus and under the control of the participant. “ Have you ever noticed that you are not romantically attracted to five people at the same time? Sometimes you might be attracted to a couple of people for a very short time but the tussle in your heart doesn’t last long and one person emerges as the one you are interested in,” he writes.
The fact that romantic attraction is under the control of the participant means that attractions are not beyond our control. As he writes, “ You do not have to be in love with anybody. This notion that love is something that hits us is a lie.”
Sherman though adds that the romantic attraction is directed, not initiated, by our will. What we have to do is decide whether or not to pursue the object of our affection.

The flip side of that is that we do not have to fall out of love. Sherman insists that love is not an “it” that we fall into and which can leave us any time. “There are times in most romantic relationships when we will have to remind ourselves to stay in love with the person we have chosen. Feelings come and go. Sometimes we can feel head over heels about our spouse, and other times everything seems dull. But if we stay committed through the dull times, the feelings of love return,” he writes.

Such is the time that philia and agape love play the biggest role in holding the relationship intact. Phileo love is about friendship and partnering. It is the thing that you see in another person that draws you to be their friend. But even this can fade as it depends on characteristics we like in our partners, which bind us together. Agape and philia flourish the eros.

Agape love comes out as most key kind of loving you will ever give your partner, primarily because you will love them even when they do not deserve it. This love will not give ultimatums and conditions because it is generated by a greater cause, that of wanting the best for the other person no matter the personal cost. This kind of love does not just happen. You make it happen. Loving becomes a personal act commitment, of being sympathetic and thoughtful, of giving with no thought of receiving. The difficult part is that agape loving is not easy and goes against the whole grain of our essence. Human beings by their very nature are selfish. It takes another strength to put another human being’s needs and happiness above your own. That is not to say it cannot be done. In fact that is the only hope you have for a lasting, meaningful relationship and marriage.

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Hello world!

Posted by lovewitness on January 28, 2008

Welcome to WordPress.com. This is your first post. Edit or delete it and start blogging!

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