Naming the diva
Prominent women define “having it all” and give examples of those among them they think fit in that definition and why
Ever since the birth of the feminist movement, women have fought for their turf. They have to a larger extent fought successfully for equal pay, employment rights, equal treatment and more. Today, the woman is not only at par with the alternative gender, but is in some instances steps ahead.
As a result, women have come to define their lot in terms of “has it all” and “going there”. Some women are christened “diva” (as derived from the Italian word ‘diva’ meaning “goddess” or “fine lady”) while others are hardly spoken about. And even among the young, there is that insatiable desire to make it in life. Some young lady is always busy reading a “how to…”, “10 ways to…”, “15 reasons why…” book and websites at one time or another, and shaping their lives according to a certain “model” of whom they think “has it all”.
We are always trying to reach greater heights in our emotional, spiritual, mental, physical, career and financial spheres. But then, what is the “it” that we are always trying to reach? Is it achievable? How? Does it even exist or are we just chasing a phantom?
We spoke with a few women, some of whom are thought to have it all, others who know they have it all, and others that are still reaching out for “it”, to find out what their views on “having it all” are.
Ms Esther Arunga
KTN News Anchor
“I do not think there is a universal description of a woman who has it all. It varies from woman to woman. For example, Oprah Winfrey may consider herself as having it all, but someone will argue she doesn’t just because she does not have a husband and children. A housewife may believe she has it all because she has a loving husband, great kids and a beautiful home, but a career woman may believe the housewife doesn’t because she does not make her own money. It depends on a woman’s personal goals and ambitions.
“A woman who has it all has achieved her major goals and ambitions. From the outside looking in, the only way one can gauge whether another woman has it all is whether the woman looks content and happy – genuinely happy with her life, that is, not looking like she has just settled with what she has. Though such women may be sobbing into their pillows all night long, in public, they look content. They don’t pull ridiculous stunts for attention purposes (read, Britney Spears), they are doing what they love to do.
Names: Despite her yo-yo weight issues, to me, Oprah Winfrey has it all.
What holds women back: The society’s gross- underestimation of the female potential, capacity and ability.”
Ms Anastanzia Wakesho (Stacey)
Chair, Domestic Tourism Council of Kenya
Pic By Martin Mukangu
“A woman who has it all is courageous, able to fight it out in a male dominated field, selfless and brave.
Names: Ms Esther Passaris and myself.
What holds women back: Fear of the unknown. Everybody is able to be such a woman. But understand that you do not succeed alone. You need someone or some power backing you up. For me it is my belief in God.”
Amina Abdallah
Kanu Nominated MP
“A woman who has it all? (Thinks) Is there one? If you have chumms (money) you don’t have a spouse, if you have a spouse, he is beating you up…
I would say she has to be financially independent, be in emotionally benefiting relationships, have a balanced family and be spiritually okay. There is never perfection in anything.
Names: Mama Nyiva Mwendwa and the MD of Skynet Express, Ms Jane Babsa. These are people who are rich enough in their heart, have confidence in their achievements and they wish good for others.
What holds women back: Poor education, fear and cultures that discourage women. If you are not fearful you will work around issues even when culture discourages you.”
Mrs Joyce Kibet
Life skills coach and motivational speaker with Lady Appeal
“She has her life goals, is on target about meeting them and is seeking balance. Most women look for satisfaction. They should seek to balance things in their lives rather than seeking to satisfy everything. When you try to have it all, you end up frustrated. She may not have accomplished everything but is on track getting there.
Names: Can’t think of any at the moment.
What holds women back: Situations outside of themselves – most women have more hurdles to jump than men. Then within them there are fears; they look down upon themselves.
Women are also emotionally oriented rather than reason oriented. This may not always work for them.
When we see a woman who has achieved, we forget where they have come from. We need to find out what they have been through to arrive there. It takes a lot of perseverance. If we persevere we can have it all. Our problem is that we want it now.”
Ms Njoki Ndung’u
Former legislator, lawyer, gender activist
“I don’t have it all. It is all a balancing act. A woman who has it all has to be fulfilled a) at a personal level, b) at a global level.
At a personal level, she has to be fulfilled mentally, physically and spiritually. Her mind, soul and body need to be fulfilled.
At a global level, this is how she relates with her environment, how people around her live. She avoids negative karma and engages the positive. I do not like staying around negative people. They have walls of darkness about them – envy, jealousy…
There is goodness in helping other people succeed.
She needs to be financially independent and have a stable family.
Names: Muthoni Likimani. She was able to achieve so much when the glass ceiling was not open for women, and she is generous.
Gina Din. She has personality and is gracious.
Rahab Karoki (a friend). She has worked so hard to get where she is now.
Esther Passaris
What holds women back: Unequal status in society. Women are treated as second-class citizens. The culture and the legal framework, discriminates against the woman.”
Ms Esther Passaris
Businesswoman, former MD of Adopt-A-Light and founder of One in a Million
“When a woman has it all, she knows that when she dies today, everything will be the same. Kenya is unsettled and poverty is at its highest rate. We are a nation of consumers where there is stagnant infrastructure and little investment. You cannot say you have it all and ignore your surroundings.
Having it all involves job satisfaction, having a healthy family, resources to spend, a country that is where it should be and progressing and being aware of poverty and problems that surround us.
A woman who has it all should be at peace with herself as child of God, be a part of the solution to the problems, have qualities that make her Creator happy, doesn’t live a lie and should have a good set of values to live by.
She should be in balanced relationships, have children, be financially stable, live in a safe environment and be happy with the community/country progression.
Life is made of eight legs:
1. Financial wellbeing- No.6
2. Family (love and commitment)- No.1
3. Spiritual wellbeing- No.3
4. Educational background- No.4
5. Productivity- No.5
6. Neighbours- No.7
7. Country- No.8
8. Security (emotional and physical well being)- No.2
It is impossible to have it all because life wasn’t made to be perfect. But it is possible to capture many precious moments.
A person who has it all is the one who does the best with what they have.
In 2002, I thought I had it all. In 2008, I feel I don’t. And it is not because of losing the mayoral election. It is because our country is in such a mess.
At some point in life you have it all, other times you do not. You have it all when you compare yourself with the worst, when you have more happy moments than sad ones, depending with how you deal with the positive than the negative.
Names: The last Mother Theresa, Wangari Maathai, the late Princess Diana. Diana – her charity, marriage and birth. Oprah Winfrey – she has dealt with rape, is rich, has a steady boyfriend, is comfortable with herself and is touching so many lives.
totallyfemale 