Beyond surface allures

“I love my legs. You should see them,” one lady said and everybody turned trying to peer at the legs that were safely hidden under trousers.
“I love my hair and my bum,” went  another.
“I love my complexion and my legs.”
My turn arrived and I wished the question had been “What I did not like about my body” instead of the other way round.
We have all been there. Long intense moments of body searching in front of the bathroom mirror, pointing out all the real and imagined flaws we see on our bodies and what we could do to rectify them. The women’s magazines bombard us with  near-perfect pictures of ideal women who by comparison make us feel like miss plain Jane, here I come. Our friends though meaning no harm show us the ideal complexion, the ideal waist, bum and hip size, hair colour and texture, nail length and we rate ourselves by that… until the standards reverse and we are no longer sure whether a big bum, big bust is fashionable any more.

Most of the time this gets us to a little grumbling followed by a minor plummeting of our self-confidence, followed by a little self-talk on how beautiful we really are. Once in a while we push our partners to tell us more specifically where the beauty lies if only to reinforce our feeble faith in ourselves.
Like the women above,  I wonder  how many of us can confidently stand in front of an audience and say what they love about their bodies and really mean it. Given a chance, we could all change something.

There is a joke about the woman who ahead a near death experience but on meeting God, He tells her that she still has twenty more years to live. Immediately on getting out of hospital, she goes to a plastic surgeon who gives her a facelift, stomach tuck, silicon boobs, hair colouring, the works. But as she is crossing the street to go home, a car hits her and she dies. Mad, she goes to God to find out why he lied to her. He apologises; she had changed so much he could not recognise her. I hope your funny tick is on but even if it is not, there lies a truth for every woman. No matter how perfect everyone thinks our bodies are, there is always that pointed nose, tripped ears, squint eye, too flat chest, straight hips that we could do something radical about if we had the courage and the money. Technology can even allow us to get a brand new face if we do not like the one we adorn right now, only we have to live reminding ourselves and our friends and family it is us only we have a new face.

The TV programme ‘Extreme Makeover’ shows us what wonders that can do to our self-esteem. If crooked teeth are the only things denying us happiness in this world and there is something that can be done about that, why not? If too much body fat will deny us marital bliss and liposuction can do the marvel, why not go ahead and have fun?

The problem is that not everyone will have a chance to take some radical decisions with their bodies. A lot of people who tried that- like one who had steel rods surgically added to her legs to make her taller- are left feeling miserable in the long run. Many of us find that we have to live with our bodies just the way they were created and the sooner we stop crucifying ourselves or the gene donors the better. Crucifying others too. Most of us are already sensitive enough about our bodies without having a second or third party highlight our hockey stick legs or major nose.
Neil Clark Warren in his book “Finding the Love of Your Life” gives insight into dealing wit this. “Your attractiveness depends on the sum total of your qualities. Your strength may balance out your weaknesses. A high score in one quality like ‘personality’ can compensate for a lower score on another quality like ‘good looks’. The trick is to maximise your strengths and minimise your weaknesses.”
Warren’s point is that we can all make the best and most of what we have. A pair of heels or wedges , some waxing, some lipstick, a little self confidence, all go along way. You will have to see Caro Wahome on the fashion pages for more of that.
At the end of the day, we are more than our physiques, more than our looks. It may take quite some mental energy to look beyond the surface or to convince people that there is more than meets the eye but it will be a very sad existence for the woman who derives her value solely from her body even if it pays her bills.

Beyond surface allures

“I love my legs. You should see them,” one lady said and everybody turned trying to peer at the legs that were safely hidden under trousers.
“I love my hair and my bum,” went  another.
“I love my complexion and my legs.”
My turn arrived and I wished the question had been “What I did not like about my body” instead of the other way round.
We have all been there. Long intense moments of body searching in front of the bathroom mirror, pointing out all the real and imagined flaws we see on our bodies and what we could do to rectify them. The women’s magazines bombard us with  near-perfect pictures of ideal women who by comparison make us feel like miss plain Jane, here I come. Our friends though meaning no harm show us the ideal complexion, the ideal waist, bum and hip size, hair colour and texture, nail length and we rate ourselves by that… until the standards reverse and we are no longer sure whether a big bum, big bust is fashionable any more.

Most of the time this gets us to a little grumbling followed by a minor plummeting of our self-confidence, followed by a little self-talk on how beautiful we really are. Once in a while we push our partners to tell us more specifically where the beauty lies if only to reinforce our feeble faith in ourselves.
Like the women above,  I wonder  how many of us can confidently stand in front of an audience and say what they love about their bodies and really mean it. Given a chance, we could all change something.

There is a joke about the woman who ahead a near death experience but on meeting God, He tells her that she still has twenty more years to live. Immediately on getting out of hospital, she goes to a plastic surgeon who gives her a facelift, stomach tuck, silicon boobs, hair colouring, the works. But as she is crossing the street to go home, a car hits her and she dies. Mad, she goes to God to find out why he lied to her. He apologises; she had changed so much he could not recognise her. I hope your funny tick is on but even if it is not, there lies a truth for every woman. No matter how perfect everyone thinks our bodies are, there is always that pointed nose, tripped ears, squint eye, too flat chest, straight hips that we could do something radical about if we had the courage and the money. Technology can even allow us to get a brand new face if we do not like the one we adorn right now, only we have to live reminding ourselves and our friends and family it is us only we have a new face.

The TV programme ‘Extreme Makeover’ shows us what wonders that can do to our self-esteem. If crooked teeth are the only things denying us happiness in this world and there is something that can be done about that, why not? If too much body fat will deny us marital bliss and liposuction can do the marvel, why not go ahead and have fun?

The problem is that not everyone will have a chance to take some radical decisions with their bodies. A lot of people who tried that- like one who had steel rods surgically added to her legs to make her taller- are left feeling miserable in the long run. Many of us find that we have to live with our bodies just the way they were created and the sooner we stop crucifying ourselves or the gene donors the better. Crucifying others too. Most of us are already sensitive enough about our bodies without having a second or third party highlight our hockey stick legs or major nose.
Neil Clark Warren in his book “Finding the Love of Your Life” gives insight into dealing wit this. “Your attractiveness depends on the sum total of your qualities. Your strength may balance out your weaknesses. A high score in one quality like ‘personality’ can compensate for a lower score on another quality like ‘good looks’. The trick is to maximise your strengths and minimise your weaknesses.”
Warren’s point is that we can all make the best and most of what we have. A pair of heels or wedges , some waxing, some lipstick, a little self confidence, all go along way. You will have to see Caro Wahome on the fashion pages for more of that.
At the end of the day, we are more than our physiques, more than our looks. It may take quite some mental energy to look beyond the surface or to convince people that there is more than meets the eye but it will be a very sad existence for the woman who derives her value solely from her body even if it pays her bills.