May be I am just pining for no reason, but I feel that I need to stamp my foot on some matters. Two weeks ago my boyfriend and I promised ourselves that we would concentrate on loving God and discovering our purpose in Him. The reason for this was that I had reached that point in life when I had enough. My faith was quickly slipping downhill, my foundations had been shaken to the core, I had been left out and exposed. I remembered prayers and promises I had made to myself and God. That he would always have thge highest place in my life. That I would honor him in all I do, more so in my relationships. That I would never let a man ccome between me and Him.
I felt I had failed. I had substituted my love for a man with my love for God. Not in the serious sense, but one man was slowly edging out my priorities, my reverence and obedience to one true God, and it is not because he didn’t love God himself. I believe he honestly did. But lust was such a problem in our lives, God got lost in the struggle.
Thursday night I was really down. I had gone through a job interview that racked all my nerves and I needed warm arms to hold me. But I didn’t want him to come home. I was afraid of what would happen.
Looking back now, we have broken most of the resolve we had two weeks ago. It has taught me several lessons. One that I have no idea on how to date in a godly manner. Second that my flesh is so weak. Third that I really need to establish my priorities.
Today I called him up early in the morning that he may come to church. He woke up. but when I called him after church, he told me that he was still at home. I hung up. What kind of a man has to be coerced to go to church? I later met him and he explained that he dozed off again. Understandable. But what really got me was the smell of alcohol in his breath. Honestly, I think I am climbing the wrong tree- have been for quite a while. But I am not afraid to back down and do right by God. Please help me God.
totallyfemale 